If you’re a teenager, you know casual conversations with your friends inevitably turn to sex. Whether it’s at school or while hanging out, online or on T.V, sex is ever-present in adolescent life. Blame the hormones, blame the times, blame the media, but really we should be blaming the taboo; things which aren’t meant for virgin ears are the tidbits which end up being the most sought after.
Informal sex-education, the way teenagers receive information about sex from the world around them without medical backing or the guidance of a professional, is often a teen’s main source of knowledge about sex. Why are these significant suppliers of sex information, such as peers and the media, often frowned upon? Why not utilize the resource from which adolescents get the majority of their information on sex to the greatest extent possible?
Speculating with peers on the topic of sex has its benefits and drawbacks. It works because the dynamic is comfortable; one teen can honestly speak to another who shares the same experiences. Both adolescents are discovering their sexuality and dealing with similar social pressures and influences. This type of discussion allows for an even playing field in which information can be exchanged without discomfort; the key is that adolescents can relate to one another. On the other hand, this type of speculation is bad because teens are doing just that: speculating. Chances are, the adolescents in conversation have an incomplete pool of knowledge regarding sex, and therefore can spread false information.
Speaking with parents about sex is a whole different ball of wax. For most adolescents, the conversation is excruciatingly uncomfortable. Those teens who are blessed to have an open relationship with their parents, one in which they feel confident in discussing relationships, sex, sexuality, contraceptives, etcetera, should consider themselves lucky. For the rest of us who find both ourselves and our parents ill-at-ease while talking about sex, this type of conversation cannot be considered effective or helpful.
According to Grant LM and Demetriou’s study on Adolescent Sexuality:
A teenager’s primary source of information regarding sexuality is his or her peer group, all of whom are experiencing and reinforcing the same behaviors The family, the major socializer of other behaviors, is not as powerful a force in shaping responsible sexual behavior because of parental discomfort with sex education and sexual discussions. This is the result of a social milieu in which sex is frequently portrayed but rarely linked with responsible behavior or accurate, nonjudgmental information.
Putting awkwardness aside, the parent-child dynamic also makes conversation about sex rather difficult. The issue is that the child only listens as the parent only lectures about sex. Usually, the teen will not participate in the conversation apart from a few nods of agreement and the occasional “Oh, really? I didn’t know that” (hint hint, we totally did). Here lies the core difference between discussing sex with peers and sex with parents: it’s the role of the teen. With peers, you are equals. With parents, the child must be submissive. He or she is solely the listener and the receiver of information; this type of exchange is not effective. If the teenager isn’t truly involved in the conversation, what is its purpose? Often, this is why adolescents turn to peers for their information on sex—we feel as though we are addressing an equal with whom we can converse freely and honestly.
This type of “listening-only” relationship between children and parents often extends to formal sexual education. The teen sitting in a sex-ed class may feel like an alien listener as they are lectured. Here, an adult stands before a group of teenagers, claiming to “have been 16 once”, yet the teen feels no connection to this person. Thus, the information which the educator tries to instill in his students may fall on deaf ears.
Whether or not the teen is justified in feeling this way, one cannot doubt the existence of this disconnection and the detrimental results of this disconnect. To the teen, the information which they are receiving in the lesson is inapplicable outside of the classroom. How can these adolescents be expected to make the connection between this false environment and a real-life setting? Their inability to apply what they learn in the classroom to a real situation could result in an unwanted pregnancy or a STD. Which factor makes this setting so fake? The overly sympathetic adult in the room.
A harmony and balance must be struck between formal and informal sexual education.
Firstly, informal sex-education must be honored and acknowledged by formal-education. Often, one will hear a sex-educator saying “you really don’t know as much about sex as you think you do; the information which you receive from you peers and media (and even parents) may be false.” Formal sex-ed educators should realize that the teen, regardless, will value the knowledge they receive informally about sex just as much, and possibly more, than the knowledge they receive from formal sex-ed. According to Spannier GB’s study, Formal and Informal Sex Education as Determinants of Premarital Sexual Behavior, “informal sex education has significantly more impact on premarital sexual behavior” than formal sex-ed. The sexual actions of teens are a blend of both their informal and formal sex teachings. Jermiah Strouse and Richard A. Fabes’s study, Formal versus Informal Sources of Sex Education: Competing Forces in the Sexual Socialization of Adolescents, states “educators and parents must consider the importance of informal sources of sexual learning in order to promote sexual responsibility in adolescents”.
Secondly, teenagers must honor formal sex-education. In speaking with my peers about the sexual education program at our school, which many agree to be incompetent, a general response of “we pretty much know everything there is to know already” was given. Teens MUST realize that they do NOT know everything there is to know about sex, and that the information which they receive in a formal sex-education CAN be applied in a real life settings. Adolescents must also understand that the facts, the nitty-gritty stuff, which they (hopefully) learn about in their school’s sex-ed program, is extremely valuable and even life-saving information.
This is why, in my previous posts (here, here, and here), I have stressed the need for the teaching of FACTS in formal sexual-education (for example, how to use various forms or contraception, where to find them, and how STD’s are spread). I feel that most (but definitely not all) of the social/emotional aspect of sex is covered by informal sex-ed. Therefore, special attention must be given to the facts in formal sex-ed which informal sex-ed cannot cover. Formal sex-ed should use informal sex-ed as a springboard to launch itself into conversation and fill in the holes which informal sex-ed has left behind.
As sex-educators stand before a class, do they not see the potential of teens somehow responsibly and effectively educating other teens about sex? With an accessible, knowledge-thirsty pool of adolescents more than willing to share new and valuable information with their peers, the possibility of this reliable teen-to-teen learning seems plausible. Pauline Cronin ’13 suggests that a peer mentoring sex-ed program is an excellent way to bridge the comfort of informal sex-ed and the accurate teachings of formal sex-ed. Pauline felt that “If we were taught [sex-ed] by peer mentors, it would be so much less awkward. [The students would] understand it more if its coming from their point of view—[these mentors] are what you are going become”, so why wouldn’t you take their guidance?