The Hewitt Times

Every so often, a relatively humdrum neighborhood news story sparks the attention of the entire Hewitt community. Monday, January 7, marked Hewitt’s unofficial recognition of the tragedy that is Eli Zabar’s rat infestation and subsequent(?) closing.

Denial

At 9:48 am on Monday morning, I peered eagerly at the clock. Is there enough time to run to Eli’s before 12th Grade Town Meeting? Bagel or muffin? Bagel or muffin? Bagel or muffin?!!! Anna, you always wait until the last minute and then ponder in the Eli’s doorway for five minutes. You will not leave this decision in the hands of random Hewitt students who happen to be waiting on line. For once, just choose now. Five seconds later, after vocalizing this intense moral debate to the rest of my math class, I wished that the ongoing Battle of Carbs was the day’s most egregious Eli’s event. But under two hours into the (not really) second semester, bad news had already spread to the majority of my classmates: Eli’s is closed. Granted, this 4-person class does not represent the most reliable sample size. But I was deeply concerned…and incredulous. “How did you find out? Are you sure it’s not a one-day-only thing?” I scurried (coincidentally foul word choice) down to the stacks room, my one and only source into the scandalous life of Manhattan’s E.A.T.. After interrogating multiple witnesses, I believed–but not yet accepted–the rumor.

Anger

As the day progressed, the voice of the student body strengthened. When asked for her opinion on the rats in Eli’s, senior Emma Blinken responded quickly and concisely: “ew.” Ziba Klein responded in an almost identical fashion, except her “ew” was capitalized and included an extra “w” at the end (both interviews were conducted over Facebook chat).

Bargaining

In hopes to dispel rumors that the beloved Hewitt hotspot would be gone for good, I ventured to E.A.T.’s other (still open) Madison Avenue location on Tuesday morning. I brought along a high speed SLR camera in case I was unfortunate and (journalistically) lucky enough to capture a creature…on film, that is. Wearing thick motorcycle boots and leggings that left no ground-level skin exposed, I approached three idle employees who stood collectively around two cash registers. I grilled them on the potential re-opening of the 74th street location. It took five similar yet differently-phrased questions for me to finally process the permanence of the situation. It turns out that the 74th street pop-up shop was truly a pop-up shop. In fact, because of its exceptional popularity, the lease was extended multiple times–this is not a case of an abrupt termination but rather a prolonged existence.

I finally mustered up the courage to confront the 80th street employees about the rats that were photographed and videotaped in E.A.T. earlier this month, receiving their 15 minutes of fame on the websites of The Huffington Post, The New York Post, Gothamist.com, and ABC News (ABC News clip shown below). They denied any correlation between the rat scandal and the closing of the 74th street location.

Depression

Below is raw footage of seniors lounging in the stacks room as they present several theories behind the tra(t)gedy. Each student is in her own stage of the grief cycle, although depression appears to be the overwhelming sentiment.

Acceptance

On Tuesday, January 8, I sought closure by revisiting the site of the ex-hotspot. The window that had once revealed mouth-watering pastries now displayed a tear-jerking message from Eli Zabar himself. Just kidding…it’s impossible to cry while looking at that adorable man and dog duo, who almost distract us from the door that once led to a haven of stomach-filling, pocket-emptying goodness.

Accepted the fact that Eli’s is closed but still hungry? In order to move on once and for all, we must establish alternative snacking options. It may be difficult to look back to a time before this summer and remember that there was food before there was E.A.T.. 

Where exactly?

1. 3 guys, a sit-down diner and a source for to-go muffins, croissants, iced coffee, and bagels (WARNING: usually no poppyseed bagels available)
2. Marché Madison (as long as walking on the same block as ex-Eli’s won’t make you too sad)
3. Joe’s Coffee (WARNING: cash only)
4. Butterfield Market (slightly farther from Hewitt than the other suggested food sources, but the 40 Carrots frozen yogurt totally justifies the walk)
5. Via Quadronno, a sit-down restaurant that offers excellent cappuccinos and sandwiches to-go