Single on Valentine’s? Can’t approach your crush? Not sure what present to give? Hewitt Times can help! Submit your dilemma here, and then check back soon for our responses. Submissions are completely anonymous to both the editors and the general public unless you choose to include your name as a part of your message. Please note that due to the overwhelming number of submissions and the intent to maintain the lighthearted, appropriate tone of this column, we may be unable to respond to your inquiry. We apologize for any inconveniences.

Submissions and Responses

Look Here for 2018 Love Panel submissions and responses, Scroll Down to Submit

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How can I force someone into a relationship (serious inquiry)?

seduction-flow-through-you

 

 

 

 

 

 

xox,

Erin and The Hewitt Times

 

When do I tell my partner I partake in S&M

I’d tell your partner if you were comfortable telling god first. We are all gods children and your choices are inescapable in the eyes of God. Tell your partner if you wish to go to hell!!!! 

Godspeed,

Chloe and The Hewitt Times

My best friend and I really like the same guy. Is it weird to share him?? Please let me know asap!

Quite strange.

-Coco and The Hewitt Times 

So I’m really in love with this man, but the only issue is that he is married. Is that a deal breaker??

Yeah, it is sort of a deal breaker. Set your eyes on another man; there are other fish in the sea. 

Xoxo,

Marlene and Jessica

What do I do if my boyfriend’s dad is way hotter than him? (don’t worry, his parents are divorced)

DO NOTHING! And if it’s illegal, DEFINITELY do nothing. If your boyfriend’s dad is sending signs, shut it down. Don’t forget you have a boyfriend… 

Xo,

Taylor, Coco, and the Love Panel

Why are the people you want the most always the people that you cannot have?

idk-man_fb_804931

 

 

 

 

 

 

xoxo,

Lucy and The Hewitt Times

 

What do I do if I love my friend’s dog but she keeps biting me!! SOS

Love hurts.

xox,

Erin and The Hewitt Times

Is it okay to celebrate Valentine’s Day when today signifies the beginning of lent???

What do they have to do with each other? St. Valentine would want you to have love.

xox,

Erin and The Hewitt Times

Marrying food has become a real thing and I think I’m interested and am prepared to become engaged to one. But I’m concerned with whether or not it rot within time. Should I do it and have a grand time and make great memories while I can? Or should I repress my feelings to avoid later pain as it begins to disintegrates?

Love is real my friend and as the years go forward you will find that your loneliness will only be cemented through the rotten corpse of a perishable food. I wonder if the true root of the problem is that you’re so open to loving something purely based off of the concept. If that’s the case then I would truly think about how you would define love. Love in my experience isn’t having something make you consistently feel good. Love isn’t eating pizza because each time you eat pizza you enjoy yourself. Love is the abstract inescapable connection and balance between sharing your life with something else. Without actual emotions attached to the food, your engagement and marriage to the food is essentially a tasteless joke mocking the harsh and brutal reality of the abundance of failed marriages

XO,

Chloe and The Hewitt Times

if people can marry multiple people at the same time, can I date multiple people at the same time?

If your partner(s) are okay with it, go for it. It is not uncommon.

sisterwivescancelledorrenewed2

 

 

 

 

xox,

Erin and The Hewitt Times

 

I can’t tell if I’m pregnant or fat. Please help!!!

I would recommend taking a pregnancy test and this could be the result:176954054not-pregnant-just-fat-clear-blue-pregnancy-test-funny-morefunkyfun.jpg

 

 

 

 

But maybe you are pregnant and in that case, congratulations! 

XO,

Carly, Julia & The Hewitt Times

How do I find a Valentine?

They will come at the right time. Just wait. But don’t wait too long. Don’t hesitate to make the move yourself.download

 

 

 

 

 

xoxo,

Erin and The Hewitt Times

What if I don’t like someone back and they’re really… REALLY into it?

Run away! Run far away!

xo,

Erin and The Hewitt Times

 

What if I have a crush on my teacher!! It’s Valentine’s Day. What do I do!!!

If you’re 18 or over, drop subtle hints throughout the year like calling the teacher by their first name. Maybe if the teacher is married reevaluate your life. I’d say wait until you graduate and see what happens. Love is love and even the school administrators can’t stop it.

Xo,

Chloe and The Hewitt Times

How do I get a valentine to match my superiority and awesomeness?

Don’t. Be your awesome self and let them follow your lead.

xo,

Erin and the Hewitt Times

The love of my life wants to be an alpaca farmer, but I don’t think I am destined for such a rural life. My plan is to marry someone else for thirty years, live my life, and then amicably divorce to move to the alpaca farm. I have received mixed feedback on my plan – what do you think?

Well, if you’re not into the rural life then don’t go for it. But if you really love this person, then maybe you have to make some compromises. Who knows… maybe you’ll love chillin’ with the alpacas!

Xo, Taylor and the Love Panel Image result for alpaca meme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is the true city of love?

Probably San Francisco.

XO, 

Sabrina and the Hewitt Times 

I think my boyfriend is cheating on me with one of my best friends.. what do I do?

If you honestly think this is true then you should confront either your best friend or your boyfriend. Asking them will either clear things up or if you think they are lying then I think it would be in your best interest to get out of both those relationships ASAP.

only-garlic-bread-has-no-end

 

 

 

 

 

 

xoxo,

Lucy and The Hewitt Times

 

How can I get someone who doesn’t know I’m alive to love me without talking to them or acknowledging their existence.

You can make a shrine for them or a food representation of them. Scientifically proven, food is better. Food won’t fight you. Food won’t upset you.

xoxo,

Coco and The Hewitt Times

 

How do I know that you can fix my problems? GIVE ME PROOF.

Depends on the problem!

xoxo,

Coco and The Hewitt Times

What do I do if I like someone but they don’t like me back?

Move on! One less guy to worry about.

XO, Coco & The Hewitt Times

 

Love panel!! Help me! Is a dog a good Valentine’s Day present?

Yes, that’s such a good present!

XO,

Julia and The Hewitt Times

 

Is Palentines day a thing? It should be. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Let’s GET CRACKIN.

IT ALREADY IS GET ON THE WAVE.

Xo, Coco and the Love Panel

 

How do I tell someone I like them?

Go big. Take a risk! Personalize some cupcakes, creepily smile at them from across the room, show up at their house, steal their shoes, or just be honest and tell them how you feel. Whatever you do just go for it! Good luck! 

Xo, Taylor and the Love Panel 

 

If this is my 5th Valentine’s Day alone do you think it’s time I find someone new? What if I’m not over my ex??

It’s completely based on whether you feel ready to go out and meet someone new. However, five years is a long time so I think its time to move on.

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xoxo,

Lucy and The Hewitt Times

 

I think I may be interested in inanimate objects such as chairs however I understand it could be controversial?

This is a great question! I recommend talking with Ms. Benedict-Smith for professional help. I hope you enjoy this picture:)   

xoxoxo,

Kayley and the Hewitt Times

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What would Spock do for Galentine’s Day? Gal pals? Can it be for guys? hmmmmm

Galentine’s day was made famous by the amazing Leslie Knope. I think that guys can participate in Galentine’s day, but maybe call it Palentine’s day?? Spock may enjoy the company of his great friend Captain Kirk or even the doctor Bones. Though, I think maybe Spock could have a Valentine. Relationships are more than just emotions. Remember that!

XOXO,

Lara and The Hewitt Times

Spock

 

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lollipop?

The world may never know! 

xoxo, Marlene and Jessica 

How many times do I need to be rejected before I move on?

I think three is a golden number.

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xoxo,

Lucy and The Hewitt Times

 

 

How do you spend valentines day without a valentine?

Check out this link for some fun things to do alone:)

https://www.wikihow.com/Make-It-Through-Valentine%27s-Day-Without-a-Valentine

XOXOXOXOXO,

Kayley and the Hewitt Times

 

What should I get my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day?

Well, I would start by writing a card to show your boyfriend how much he means to you. Write a sweet message in a cute card like this: Screen Shot 2018-02-14 at 4.03.59 PM

If he’s a sushi lover he will really appreciate it! You could also get him something he’s into like tickets to his favorite sport, cologne, shoes, or a cool outfit. If he really likes you he will like whatever gift you get him, so don’t sweat it! 

XO Carly, Jessica & The Hewitt Times

 

 

 

Dear Panel of Love,
My feelings for my crush are overwhelming to the point that I am nearly always miserable or on the brink of misery– yet I can’t conceive of life without them. What is the appropriate intersection of pain and love?
Ms. Ery

The ideal is no pain or misery, but this is not always possible. Wait. Spend some time away from them and see if your feelings are still so strong. Remember that there is still time to meet other people and you can fall in love more than once. Think about all your relationships and what makes them work in general. Try to apply this to your crush. Also, remember that you should always talk out your problems. Be open with your crush.

XOXO,

Lara and The Hewitt Times

I want a bae… what do I do?

You’ll find a bae when you’re not looking for a bae.

Xo,

Julia and The Hewitt Times

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